Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Ponderings

I can't stop thinking about ______.

I heard it once said that if you've released something to the Lord, it means that you cease to worry about it or be anxious about it. Yeah, see that's not working out too well now is it.

And yes this is deliberately ambiguous and vague. What do you do when something is constantly at your mind, at every turn, whenever your mind is idle...it always has to pass this thought.

You take it captive, that's what you do.

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I interviewed with Microsoft yesterday, and I am planning to whore myself out to Amazon.com next Monday. I really wonder if this is what God has in store...there are many reasons to stay in San Diego, but the same considerations could be made to move back up north where the family is, or even further up north (where Microsoft & Amazon) are.

Its weird talking, even thinking about the "rest of my life"; also known as post-college.

To be honest, I'm really petrified, scared at the possibilities...the possibilities of failure. Yes, his power is perfected in my goof ups, and yeah, you don't really learn until you mess up. But still!

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God's been teaching me a lot about asking Him more specifically for things...He's been answering my prayers, but the problem is that I'm so general about my requests, I get a general answer. Neh.

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I'm finding school, and perhaps computer science...drains all perspective of the future and focuses on the present. Life is feeling like a race. I have to get to a checkpoint or keep looking to see where I'm running...but I'm constantly bending down to tie my freaking shoelace.

Hopefully I'm learning that the problem is NOT the shoelace, but that I can't freaking tie shoelaces. >_<

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