Sunday, October 31, 2004

Show You Love

Interesting trailer I watched: Spanglish.

The soundtrack caught my ear towards the end; it was Jars of Clay song, Show You Love.

Speak- say the words that no one else will ever say
Love- love like the world we know is over in a day

I'm gonna show you a love in every language
I'm gonna speak with the words that need no form

I'm gonna give you what you never had before

You're beautiful and I am weakened by the force of your eyes
So shine bright to separate the truth from the lies
I'm gonna show you love

It's a pretty cool trailer. I think there are going to be some quality movies coming out in the next month or so.

Things have been going well, I'm feeling a bit on the dangerous side emotionally...meaning I think I might break in way or the other at some point. However, I think I am doing well...God's been good...just leave it up to the devil to point out the little things that have fallen short in the past couple days.

I sometimes ask the question if God's goodness is enough to save me from myself :)

God's been doing a lot with the prayer meetings; I think the topic of intimacy has been brought back as the core of what we are doing. It's really cool, I think inevitably as we focus on the first commandment, the second will naturally follow. I'm finding how true it is when we seek God's kingdom first in our lives, everything else follows. Still learning of course.

I'm in the middle of a fast with my church....its been kind of difficult to consistently stick it. I'm finding that much of what I do is more for the benefit of man and not for His audience. It's one of those things that you thought would not be there, and would hope isn't...but there it is...plain and ugly, in the light of His holiness.


That, my friend, is what I call, lame.

It's disappointing to realize that when no one's watching; there are things that I start doing that aren't consistent with the things that I say. I guess I could plead the fact that I'm at home, and I'm just unwinding from the day...but last time I checked the Holy Spirit didn't say take a day off from obeying the Word.

Sorry for the somewhat somber post, but that's where I'm at emotionally right now. God's still r0x0rs my b0x0rs though :)

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

When All Around Has Fallen - Delirious?

When all around has fallen your castle has been burned
You used to be a king here now no one knows your name
You live your life for honour, defender of the faith
But you've been crushed to pieces and no one knows your pain

Come, come lay your weary head be still my friend
Come, rise I'll place my sword upon your shoulder
Come, rise with me

When tomorrow has been stolen and you can't lift your head
And summer feels like winter your heart is full of stone
Though all your hopes have fallen your skin is now your only armour
Wear your scars like medals defender of the faith

Come, come lay your weary head be still my friend
Come, rise I'll place my sword upon your shoulder
Come, come lay your faithful head, be still my friend
Come rise with me

Status Symbols

In our time we have all kinds of status symbols in the Christian church--membership, attendance, pastoral staff, missionary offerings. But there is only one status symbol that should make a Christian congregation genuinely glad. That is to know that our Lord is present, walking in our midst!...

No matter the size of the assembly or its other attributes, our Lord wants it to be known by His presence in the midst. I would rather have His presence in the church than anything else in all the wide world.

Hearing the proud manner in which some speak of the high dollar cost of their sanctuaries must lead people to suppose that spirituality can be purchased. But the secret of true spiritual worship is to discern and know the presence of the living Christ in our midst....

The Christian church dares not settle for anything less than the illumination of the Holy Spirit and the presence of our divine Prophet, Priest and King in our midst. Let us never be led into the mistake that so many are making--sighing and saying, 'Oh, if we only had bigger, wiser men in our pulpits! Oh, if we only had more important men in places of Christian leadership!' Jesus Is Victor!, 59-60,63.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004


I can't stop thinking about ______.

I heard it once said that if you've released something to the Lord, it means that you cease to worry about it or be anxious about it. Yeah, see that's not working out too well now is it.

And yes this is deliberately ambiguous and vague. What do you do when something is constantly at your mind, at every turn, whenever your mind is always has to pass this thought.

You take it captive, that's what you do.


I interviewed with Microsoft yesterday, and I am planning to whore myself out to next Monday. I really wonder if this is what God has in store...there are many reasons to stay in San Diego, but the same considerations could be made to move back up north where the family is, or even further up north (where Microsoft & Amazon) are.

Its weird talking, even thinking about the "rest of my life"; also known as post-college.

To be honest, I'm really petrified, scared at the possibilities...the possibilities of failure. Yes, his power is perfected in my goof ups, and yeah, you don't really learn until you mess up. But still!


God's been teaching me a lot about asking Him more specifically for things...He's been answering my prayers, but the problem is that I'm so general about my requests, I get a general answer. Neh.


I'm finding school, and perhaps computer science...drains all perspective of the future and focuses on the present. Life is feeling like a race. I have to get to a checkpoint or keep looking to see where I'm running...but I'm constantly bending down to tie my freaking shoelace.

Hopefully I'm learning that the problem is NOT the shoelace, but that I can't freaking tie shoelaces. >_<

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Roll over and let it go.

And just when you think we ought to roll over and just "let it flow":

Failure and Success: Greatness Has Its Price

You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.
No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this
life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.
--2 Timothy 2:3-4

The laws of success operate also in the higher field of the soul--
spiritual greatness has its price. Eminence in the things of the
Spirit demands a devotion to these things more complete than most of
us are willing to give. But the law cannot be escaped. If we would be
holy we know the way; the law of holy living is before us. The
prophets of the Old Testament, the apostles of the New and, more than
all, the sublime teachings of Christ are there to tell us how to

The amount of loafing practiced by the average Christian in spiritual
things would ruin a concert pianist if he allowed himself to do the
same thing in the field of music. The idle puttering around that we
see in church circles would end the career of a big league pitcher in
one week. No scientist could solve his exacting problem if he took as
little interest in it as the rank and file of Christians take in the
art of being holy. The nation whose soldiers were as soft and
undisciplined as the soldiers of the churches would be conquered by
the first enemy that attacked it. Triumphs are not won by men in
easy chairs. Success is costly.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

The unoriginal parade continues...

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to be sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one—not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safely in the casket or the coffin of your selfishness. But, in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, unredeemable. The only place outside heaven where you can be safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell.”
C.S. Lewis


EDIT: Perhaps some original content.

Who reads this thing still? This thing slowly becomes less interesting as I get older. I think its because I used to use my blog as my personal sounding board, where I could unreservedly just think out loud. It feels like things have changed, I guess I used to write to a predictable audience...I had a good idea who was reading my blog, and I didn't have to worry about qualifying the things that I said or wrote.

Now that this has been posted on xanga, livejournal, blogger, profiles, email signatures, word of mouth...I have no idea who reads this. Ideally it would be just a small subset of people, which I'm considering...kind of like "official update on how Benson is surviving senior year." I dunno, they'd have to read pointless drivel like this though. :)

Doh, now I forgot what I was going to say.

Ah, I remember.

On the upside, I believe I have secured a job with Cal-IT^2 doing wireless software development. Which, I think, is pretty cool. Which, I think, makes God pretty cool :).

The twist in the current situation is that I also interviewed for another job that seems to fit my skillset pretty well with the Giesel IT Department. They're into the whole XML/XMSLT infoportal deal and given my interest in web development, it seems to be the wiser choice.

Though I am getting ahead of myself...I haven't been hired yet, but I felt like I rocked the interview pretty hard. *wham* Yup, that hard. Haha, I don't know...this is a predicament I don't want to be in...I'd much rather have one opportunity and have the other shut the door. Choices suck sometimes, but leaders have to learn to make hard choices.

I suck at weighing pros and cons. They all weigh the same sometimes.

Some quotes that stuck out from the "Polar Express" movie trailer:

"One thing about trains; it doesn't matter where they are going. What matters is deciding to get on."

"Sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."

Both quotes I agree with. A lot of times I'm asking God for wisdom on decisions...but in his grace and wisdom, He knows that I need to learn how to make decisions on my own as well, so He says "Just pick one, I'll be with you."

Jerk :)

The second has been really true in my life lately. This idea of fixing our eyes on what is unseen, living by faith, living for what is eternal...I dunno, I'm starting to see what Paul meant when he said we would be the greatest fools in the world if Christ didn't rise from the dead. I mean, yeah we live a "moral" life and we do good deeds, that's nice and all...but I'm talking about a life lived in faith...see that's what this world does not understand and cannot grasp. Absolutely everything in the natural realm is saying one thing, but in your believe it, and when you pray about it, it grows...and slowly you begin to see it.

It's absolutely insane I tell you.

But as Michael Koh says..."May I suggest to you that..." that unseen world is so much more real and tangible than we realize? I believe there is a reason why Hebrews says that without faith it is impossible to please God. I think most of the time I'm whining to God is because I'm going off my five senses and He's going like...check your spirit dawg. Haha...what is unseen!

Anyway, perhaps more next time...