Friday, September 26, 2003

"Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life. " -- Proverbs 4:23

There hasn't been much original material here, and for that I apologize. It's not that I haven't had anything to say. (Though I have been getting writers block whenever I try to type an entry) ... but I've become a bit more conscious of the things I say and the things I share. I'm finding that even writing in a blog needs to fall under the authority of "guard your heart"... yeah, I can still share what are truly issues that I am dealing with, or things that I am celebrating. Life is too short to be attempting to chronicle what I do on a daily basis. My struggles with pride, lust, insecurities, love, all those things are much more enduring.

I really resonated with TJ and what he shared about saying how things have been. "Yeah, its been nuts and I'm tired." That's the typical response. But the fact is that I'm being stretched and prodded, pained and grown these days ... and most of the time, I don't want to tell people the new nasty thing that God revealed to my heart. I don't want to acknowledge I'm struggling, and the only place I want to go to is the cross. I've said it once, and I'll say it again ... it's so much easier dealing with God than it is dealing with people. A friend called me the other day and asked how I was doing ... we're friends enough to know that question doesn't just produce a simple "good" or "bad" response, but a transparent response on how things have been. Honestly, I just kind of blew it off with my trademark "hard, but good ... I'm tired" and said goodbye.

It wasn't fair to my friend, and I'm shortchanging myself of the accountability I need right now. Hrm. I'm grabbing for more and there's nothing to say. *shrugs* ... I'm journaling more in my journal journal; it's better because everything is laid bare there. I'm learning a lot about things in my heart ... it's not pretty in there ladies and gentlemen :).

Trying to fight the good fight...

No comments:

Post a Comment