Monday, September 29, 2003

I'm saying this line too often: "Things have been going good."

It sucks offering generic answers when a more detailed one could definitely be given. It sucks even more when you don't know WHAT to say for a detailed answer because you're just as confused as the next guy. And. Yes, and its a bit frustrating when you don't know anyone who is really able to make sense of your life by asking the tough questions. Sometimes I want to get a handle on what's up so I CAN tell others how things are going.

Ok I'll stop whining now.


From the private files:

It's so hard to journal sometimes. I just want to record everything the moment God tells me something ... but its so hard to put into words. I had a chance to talk to Byron maybe a week ago when the frosh moved in. I mentioned how I love writing, but absolutely abhor the process. Which is definitely true, I love being able to articulate my thoughts onto paper; its very satisfying reading other people's thoughts when they are able to capture a moment or feeling into writing. But yeah, Byron was saying that if you can't organize your thoughts in words, chances are you can't organize your thoughts in your mind. Which is a definite challenge for me, because I tend to say "screw it" when I can't get my thoughts onto paper. Coherency is definitely something I lack in my thought processes :).

As such, I felt a bit inspired to journal more and blog more to train myself to write. God is so gracious, and he does indeed reveal wisdom and revelation ... I need to think those things through. There are times when Satan just throws weird thoughts into my head and my thinking gets convoluted and cloudy as I try to grapple with it in my head. In a sense, getting my thoughts out onto paper or in writing is very much like shining light onto it. Is it truth? Is it ludicrous? Its funny how sometimes can see so clear and "makes sense" in your head, but once you say it or write it out ... you might as well have stuck your foot in your mouth. Deception is a tricky thing. Duh. (<-- see, my brain is Captain Obvious).

Friday, September 26, 2003

"Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life. " -- Proverbs 4:23

There hasn't been much original material here, and for that I apologize. It's not that I haven't had anything to say. (Though I have been getting writers block whenever I try to type an entry) ... but I've become a bit more conscious of the things I say and the things I share. I'm finding that even writing in a blog needs to fall under the authority of "guard your heart"... yeah, I can still share what are truly issues that I am dealing with, or things that I am celebrating. Life is too short to be attempting to chronicle what I do on a daily basis. My struggles with pride, lust, insecurities, love, all those things are much more enduring.

I really resonated with TJ and what he shared about saying how things have been. "Yeah, its been nuts and I'm tired." That's the typical response. But the fact is that I'm being stretched and prodded, pained and grown these days ... and most of the time, I don't want to tell people the new nasty thing that God revealed to my heart. I don't want to acknowledge I'm struggling, and the only place I want to go to is the cross. I've said it once, and I'll say it again ... it's so much easier dealing with God than it is dealing with people. A friend called me the other day and asked how I was doing ... we're friends enough to know that question doesn't just produce a simple "good" or "bad" response, but a transparent response on how things have been. Honestly, I just kind of blew it off with my trademark "hard, but good ... I'm tired" and said goodbye.

It wasn't fair to my friend, and I'm shortchanging myself of the accountability I need right now. Hrm. I'm grabbing for more and there's nothing to say. *shrugs* ... I'm journaling more in my journal journal; it's better because everything is laid bare there. I'm learning a lot about things in my heart ... it's not pretty in there ladies and gentlemen :).

Trying to fight the good fight...

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

"This teaches us that unity is necessary to the outpouring of the
Spirit of God. If you have 120 volts of electricity coming into your
house but you have broken wiring, you may turn the switch, but
nothing works-no lights come on, the stove doesn't warm, your radio
doesn't turn on. Why? Because you have broken wiring. The power is
ready to do its work with all the appliances in your home, but where
there is broken wiring, you have no power. Unity is necessary among
the children of God if we are going to know the flow of power." - A.W. Tozer

Gotta love the circuit analogies :-D

Sunday, September 14, 2003

"Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe." - On The Verge
"Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics...even if you win, you're still retarded"

Aww .. so mean but so hilarious ...

Monday, September 08, 2003

�Maybe there is a touch of insanity to think that you or I could really make a difference, knowing who we are, that we could somehow change the course of human history. If it�s normal to wake up in the morning and just try to make it through the day, then I vote for abnormality. I choose insanity.� P 56, Erwin McManus, Seizing Your Divine Moment
And He said, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."
Then he said to Him, "If Your Presence does not go with us, do not
bring us up from here."
-Exodus 33:14-15

In what I have to say I may not be joined by any ground swell of
public opinion, but I have a charge to make against the church. We
are not consciously aware of God in our midst. We do not seem to
sense the tragedy of having almost completely lost the awareness of
His presence....

Revival and blessing come to the church when we stop looking at a
picture of God and look at God Himself. Revival comes when, no
longer satisfied just to know about a God in history, we meet the
conditions of finding Him in living, personal experience....

Modern mankind can go everywhere, do everything and be completely
curious about the universe. But only a rare person now and then is
curious enough to want to know God. Men Who Met God, 121-122,127.
Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me,
let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me."
-Matthew 16:24

Here is what grieves me, and I believe this also grieves the Holy
Spirit: My hearers rise to this call emotionally, but they will not
confirm it by a corresponding change in their way of life. Their
goodness is like the morning clouds-by 9:00 o'clock the sun has burnt
off the fog. This is what happens to many people's good intentions.
They rise emotionally to an urgent message that we become a New
Testament church, that we become a model church, that we have the
order of the New Testament and the power of the Holy Spirit in order
that we might worship, work and witness. Emotionally they rise to it,
but they will not confirm their emotions by corresponding changes in
their way of life.

They want to be blessed by God, but they want God to bless them on
their terms. They look pensively to God for victory, but they will
not bring their giving into line. They will not practice family
prayer, rushing off without it. They will not take time for secret
prayer and will not forgive those who have wronged them. They will
not seek to be reconciled to those with whom they have quarreled.
They will not pick up their crosses and say, "Jesus, I my cross have
taken, all to leave and follow Thee." Rut, Rot or Revival: The
Condition of the Church, 146-147.
I am the Lord, that is My name; and My glory I will not give to
another, nor My praise to carved images.
-Isaiah 42:8

There seems to be a notion abroad that if we talk enough and pray
enough, revival will set in like a stock market boom or a winning
streak on a baseball club. We appear to be waiting for some sweet
chariot to swing low and carry us into the Big Rock Candy Mountain
of religious experience.

Well, it is a pretty good rule that if everyone is saying
something it is not likely to be true; or, if it has truth at the
bottom, it has been so distorted by wrong emphasis as to have the
effect of error in its practical outworking. And such, I believe,
is much of the revival talk we hear today....

Our mistake is that we want God to send revival on our terms. We
want to get the power of God into our hands, to call it to us
that it may work for us in promoting and furthering our kind of
Christianity. We want still to be in charge, guiding the chariot
through the religious sky in the direction we want it to go,
shouting "Glory to God," it is true, but modestly accepting a
share of the glory for ourselves in a nice inoffensive sort of
way. We are calling on God to send fire on our altars, completely
ignoring the fact that they are our altars and not God's.
The Size of the Soul, 8-9.

Sunday, September 07, 2003

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

I have returned. To all zero of you who missed me :) 'Tis good I'm talking to myself ... Chris thinks I've gone loco. But that's ok. :-D (You should have seen me after the final today ... it was absolute nut house in our room. Of course, I contributed all the "nut.")

Finals were alright. After two quarters of absolute terrorism, I was able to get over my failures and study hard =P. God was so gracious with my ECE final ... the prof. was exceedingly and abundantly generous in helping us out with problems. History wasn't as happy ... based on the midterm questions and the way he phrased things, I kind of had an idea as to what essay questions he would have for us. In retrospect, I probably should have gone with the instincts and not spread myself so thin. I didn't write nearly enough for my essays. Not much I can do about it now though, right? In any case, I managed to miraculously get an A on my last midterm essay; I really deserved a C or lower for that pile of goo. We shall see what transpires for summer session.

He's still good.

I had a really good fellowship time with D.R. and T.W. today. It was just honest prayer ... and gosh, really stripped away a lot of the pretense, a lot of stuff that's gotten clogged up in the brain and the spirit these past couple of weeks. It was excellent, honest, cool beans :-D

True fellowship is hard to come by, especially the kind that sharpens you and pushes you on to good deeds, faith, and love. I'm really excited about going through this year with these three other guys.

His love and faithfulness endures forever

I'm heading home on Monday. It'll be good. I miss the siblings and parentals ... so it'll be good R&R time to just catch up, talk, and have fun. I'm bringing home a pack of sermons, my notebook, my mp3 player, books, and guitar. It's going to be so good. SOOOOOO GUUUUUD.

Please pray for me guys, this week is going to be my mini-retreat before the year starts. I just need to be equipped, strengthened, visioned, and sent ... it's going to be a critical year for me, and I just got to follow the path before me.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; and in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Still studying. God is good.

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

We were meant to live for so much more, we've lost ourselves.
Incomplete. Where will you find yourself?

Monday, September 01, 2003

I'm sorry, but Coldplay rocks.