Monday, November 25, 2002

From the Almighty Rubbissssh bin:

"Thanks to the Wonderful shooting stars, and to a passionate talk about how guys should shape up, shut up, look up and live up the life so that the ladies won't have to come up with an alternative for Men of God."



Gentlemen, are we worth pursuing? Live a life WORTHY of the gospel.

Better think about what that means.

Y'know. The whole loving your neighborbor deal.

Male and females alike?


Oh yeah, to love your sisters like Christ loves the church.


Yes, that.





We gotta a lot to learn about this "loving our sisters" thing don't we?

Oh yeah. OH yeah.

Friday, November 22, 2002

Haha ... God's great .. from devos this morning:

"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchment stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late -- for he grants sleep to those he loves." Psalm 127:1-2

LORD, you will always provide for your children. Forgive me for getting that.

Thursday, November 21, 2002

*ding ding*

ECE. You win.

Until the final. In which you will be systematically dismantled. Circuit component by component.

No. The vengeance is the Lord's. (Beware of the messenger though. K, no .. don't beware...)

*sigh* God you win this one too. I got nothing on you. I can't do anything more to get better grades, to be a better friend, to be a better Bible Study leader, or to be a better brother in Christ. I got nothing here. It hurt like mad today God. It really did. I really don't like planning out my day and still not being in control. God its frustrating to study hard, to set aside time to do all those things, and not get the results I want. And see there, there's the problem God. The results I want. What ever happened to doing everything for the glory of God? What happened to me doing the hardwork, and allowing you to take care of the rest? Good or bad results. God I feel pretty worthless without my grades. Its pretty easy to give up my grades to you when I'm doing well ... but its so much harder when they're not. Because God. .. I don't want to go back and face the parents. Its hard to say that my involvement in Crusade, Harvest, and work don't affect my grades. 'Cuz I can handle it God. Ack. There I go again. I. Lord, you're going to have to show me which things I'm going to keep and which things I'm going to have to leave behind. Lord I want you to be the Lord of my life. And if that means giving up Harvest, work, my grades, or Crusade. Then so be it. Please don't let me do anything stupid which will end up doing me more harm then good. I wish I wasn't so dense, God. Ack ... me and my thick skull. Time and again ... I need to be whacked around. Gosh it hurts. But thanks God. Its worth it in the long run. I can't see it now. But God you've placed me in a situation for a reason. I can't see 5 feet in front of me .. but You can see infinitely further.

*sigh* ... I'll be okay y'all. It wasn't even that big of deal .. just a culmination of things. I'd appreciate if you kept me in your prayers.

/me collapses in bed.
K I just reread the last entry and I realize that it made no grammatical sense, no train of coherent thought.

Haha .. my apologies =P.
Its 1 AM and I really should be sleeping...but yeah. Got stuff on my mind to blog. Hrm. I don't think I'll put it down.

Anyway, been struggling with just being not disciplined at all. I came back from my internet fast more out of control than before ... seriously getting my fix. *shakes head* We need to work on that. Been sleeping in too much ... which is bad b/c I need to go to Math lecture to dominate the upcoming midterm. I've been more conscious of the time I have available though. Which is good in that I do have time ... but bad because I'm wasting it all. I'm creating a "Lies I Tell Myself List" ... I don't think I'll be posting that =P, but it helps too know how I keep trying to fool myself. Yes, it sounds stupid ... but lies don't stand up to the truth too well. Hopefully we'll see some progress in some of these areas.

Hrm ... seems like a whole bunch of people were here today. Missed them all. That was disappointing. Praise God I got to talk with a lot of people I haven't seen in awhile though. Answered prayer ... hopefully getting out of my Christian bubble. Gotta find the balance though.

That's about it ... so many meetings, socials, and whatnot going on this weekend. Just gotta pick and choose... Nah ... there's so many people I want to ask "how's life been treating ya" and just have a good chat. *sigh* But God's grace is sufficient. It is.
by Chip Brogden

"After they had eaten, Jesus asked Simon Peter, 'Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these other things?'" (John 21:15).

If Jesus was all you had, would Jesus be enough for you?

Many precious believers are in love with the things of the Lord, but they are not in love with the Lord Himself.

Many Christian workers and ministers are in love with the Lord's work. Almost without realizing it, the work of the Lord becomes more important than the Lord of the work.

There are prophets and teachers who hold words from God in higher esteem than the God Who speaks the words they attribute as being from Him. People seek these words and teachings. The more they receive, the more they want. Before one word is digested they are craving another. Are seeking "things" - words, prophecies, teachings, visions, dreams - but they are not seeking the Lord Himself.

Is Jesus enough?

When the saints gather together most of the activity is focused on "one another". This is important, but it is not the most important thing. Fellowship is good: but is Jesus enough? Gatherings are good: but is Jesus enough? Meetings are good: but is Jesus enough? Special speakers and special music are good: but is Jesus enough?

Even with praise and worship it is possible to sing "about" Jesus and not truly worship Jesus. With preaching and teaching it is possible to talk "about" Jesus and not truly meet Jesus in what is shared. In prayer it is possible to talk "about" our needs and never actually commune with Jesus Himself.

Among Christians I have discovered something. There is Jesus, and then there are all the things ABOUT Jesus that are NOT Jesus. Jesus Himself occupies only a small portion of what is said and done in Christian circles. Most of what is said and done is merely ABOUT Jesus, but it is NOT Jesus.

I have learned that stress, strife, disillusionment, dissatisfaction, bitterness, anger, hurt, misunderstanding, and confusion comes from everything said and done by religious people ABOUT the Lord, and IN THE NAME of the Lord, that does not, in fact, have anything to do with Jesus Himself.

How much of your focus is directed to the things of God, and not to God Himself? How much of your discussion centers on things about Jesus, and not Jesus Himself?

Just look around. This brother is focused on end-time events, and that sister is devoted to inner healing. This brother is primarily concerned with prophetic things, while another sister is keenly interested in spiritual warfare. That brother is deeply involved with theological discussions, while that sister is in love with Christian music. One movement emphasizes this particular thing, and another group stands for another thing.

There may be diversities of gifts and callings. There may be various and sundry things to be involved with. There may be many topics to study and discuss. Many things compete
for our time, attention, affection, energy, and money.

But there is only one Lord Jesus.

Just as some people cannot see the forest for the trees, I believe most sinners cannot see Jesus for the Christians. And I believe most Christians cannot see Jesus for the "church".

Is Jesus enough?

Whenever I am ministering to pastors, whatever they think their calling is, I always have them turn to Mark 3:14:

"And he ordained twelve, that they should BE WITH HIM, and that He might send them forth to preach."

You are called to be with Jesus. That is your calling. That is the primary thing, the highest ministry. Going forth to preach or do anything else is of secondary importance. We should be with Jesus; after that, He might send us forth to preach. But before Jesus said, "Go into all the world" He said, "Be with Me."

The call of the Lord is not more important than the Lord of the call. The work of the Lord must not replace the Lord of the work. No amount of ministering FOR the Lord will make up for a lack of ministering TO the Lord. And knowing the Word of God does not necessarily mean that we know the God of the Word.

Everyone wants to go and do something for God, but few people are willing to stay and do "nothing" for Him.

Jesus asked Peter, "Am I enough for You? Do you love Me more than everything else? Do you love Me more than you love the things about Me?"

A few weeks later, when Peter stood with John before the religious rulers to explain the healing of a man who had never walked, "...they marveled; and they took knowledge of [Peter and John], that THEY HAD BEEN WITH JESUS" (Acts 4:13b).

If we will be with Jesus, then Jesus will be with us.

The reason the New Testament church had power was not because they spoke in tongues, or held meetings in their living rooms, or had a certain system for planting churches.
The secret was they had been with Jesus.

But some Christians are more in love with methods and ministries than they are in love with the Man.

The prophets and teachers in the church of Antioch were gathered together: not to have a house church conference, not to begin a new ministry, not to discuss the latest prophetic word or the newest teaching, not to exchange ideas on how to grow the church, not to fellowship, not to share a meal, not to minister to one another. But "as they ministered TO THE LORD, and fasted, the Holy Ghost said..." (Acts 13:2a).

Paul and his fellow workers had many souls to save, many disciples to make, many churches to plant, many places to visit, many messages to deliver, many letters to write. There were many needs to be met, many doors of opportunity before them.

But the work was suspended. Activity ceased. Ministry came to a standstill. Fellowship and food were forgotten. The prophets were there, but the prophets did not prophesy. The teachers were there, but the teachers did not teach.

Instead, they ministered to the Lord. The focus shifted from horizontal to vertical. The emphasis was directed away from man and man's needs, and onto the Lord and His Need. They were busy being with Jesus. They were at His feet.

So when the Holy Ghost finally spoke, they were ready to go forth. Thus began the first missionary journey of Paul.

When apostles love church planting and mission work more than Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

When prophets love their prophecies, dreams, and visions more than they love Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

When evangelists love traveling, preaching, and holding meetings more than they love Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

When pastors love their church services and building programs more than they love Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough....

And when the simplest disciples grow tired of "just" being with Jesus, and begin to long for something bigger, something better, something greater, something more powerful, something other than what they have in Jesus already, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

If Jesus was all you had, would Jesus be enough for you? Or do you have to have all the "trappings" of Christianity, all the bells and whistles, all the toys and trinkets?

May I speak candidly? If you are dissatisfied and disappointed with your Christian walk today, it is only because of one thing: Jesus is not enough for you. Somewhere along the line, something else became more important than Jesus. Maybe you have become focused on the things ABOUT Jesus that are NOT Jesus.

There is only one solution. You do not need more of the Lord, because He has already given Himself completely to you already. You just need less of everything else.


Remember what it was like to hear His Voice, to be so filled with passion and love for Him, that you wanted nothing more than to sit at His feet, and hear His Word.

Remember when you were so infatuated with Him that you did not want to do anything else.

Remember what it was like to just be with Jesus.

Go back to when Jesus first called you to be with Him.

Go back to the time when all you had was Him.

Go back to the time before you were planting churches, speaking prophetic words, preaching to the unsaved, pastoring the congregation, teaching the people, or leading worship.

Go back to the time when there was no work, no ministry, no vision, no special calling - except Jesus calling you to be with Him.

Remember when you said, "He's all I need!"

So what happened?

I pray the Lord will draw us after Himself and make us thoroughly sick and tired of things - especially the things that are ABOUT Him, but are NOT Him.

God so loved the world that He gave His Only Son, Jesus.

Well... is Jesus enough?

Chip Brogden

Sunday, November 17, 2002

On a random note .. Chris is talking trash to his Xanga.

^_- This is my roomate. Love him anyway I suppose. ;)
HSD, Sunday Morning, November 17, 2002
Speaker: John Zimmerman

> Evangelism isn't so much about fitting into the in-your-face evangelist protype, but doing what God has equipped us to do. There are different means of evangelizing ... some people are gifited in more ways than others.

- confrontational: Peter in Acts. Its all up in there in your face.
- intellectual: Christian worldview and reasoning, cultural basis; Paul is a good example of this (He didn't always go in for the kill, i.e. demand conversion). The key in this gifiting is being Spirit-led. This isn't about winning an argument or doing this out of the flesh, nor is it about us intellectually beating someone to salvation. Evangelizing is being used as an instrument by God to bring someone into the saving knowledge of love and grace.
- testimonial: Everyone has a testimony, but some people have more "smashing" God-stories. If this is all you got .. use it.
- interpersonal: consisting watering of souls. Reaching through the building of relationships.
- invitational: similar to interpersonal, but these peope can just instantly relate with others and invite them to put them in a God-situation.
- service: plain enough, evangelism through gifts of service to others.

>> It comes down to this, not everyone is gifted with a confrontational evangelistic style ... what abilities has God blessed you with? Part of maturity is recognizing what we're anointed in, doing it well.

>> We are ambassadors for Christ. Ambassadors don't change governments, they represent them.

>> Not from the sermon, but if you allow God to set you on fire, people will come from all over to watch you burn.
Y'know if we keep on having super-enlightening discussions like this at sophomore fellowship .. there will no way I'll be able to get any work done on Sunday nights.

In any case, a quick rundown of events as of late ...

>> I haven't been online for a week. Well, been online a couple of times at night to change something in the buddy list or IM someone I couldnt' reach by phone .. but for the most part ... the logs have been empty and silent for the past week. Haha, someone im'ed and said they hadn't seen me online like forever. LOL. My reason for not going on was simple ... we all know that AIM kills productivity. I guess more importantly, I was more or less addicted to AIM. So yeah, just slapping myself around to make sure I'm not "really" addicted. I've lasted a week ... I'm still contemplating on how much longer I want to go. *shrugs* Its good not to be dependent on AIM. It also helped that my computer more or less started dying on me this week; culminating with a reformat on Thursday night. Everything's fine now though. I think I'll keep on going with the "computer-usage-in-moderation" deal until something happens. I don't know what that something is .. but we'll see. I guess on an extended note, your most reliable means of getting a hold of me would be giving me a call. I'd really like to get together with some of you guys .. but I have no idea what your schedules are. I'm free for some sort of lunch/dinner/fooding everyday but wednesday (and maybe thursday). So yeah, holla back y'all.

>> I'm slightly sick. But I am getting better. Just wanted to note that because I was so happy I missed the last wave of sickness. *shrugs* Praise God we're not dying of syphillis or bronchitis right? (wait, syphillis!?)

>> I went on a downloading spree and found all the Wallace and Gromit stuff I could find. Next to Calvin Hobbes, Wallace and Gromit are the coolest in the world.

>> Natalie let me borrow "Love Languages" by Gary Chapman (a certain mr. chao's favorite thing to talk about .. well not really, it just seems that way) and "Men are from Mars and Women from Venus." The first one being alright and the second one just being just painful to read. I don't know why, I just couldn't keep on reading. Now gonna re-read "Intercessory Prayer." Oh. Deep topic. Haha .. maybe some C.S. Lewis. Anyone have a good book to recommend? I'm starving for some meat here.

>> That's pretty much it as far as much my week is concerned. I had several moments where I wanted to blog last week. But when I actually sat down to do something about it, what do we get? Farts. I guess that's poetic justice given my blog title .. but I digress. So tonight was sophomore fellowship, where a bunch of sophomores from Harvest get together to fellowship and eat. Eat food and John Piper's Desiring God that is. Tonight's topic: Suffering. New to the anniversary edition.

(Man, I feel matter-of-fact right now. Contrast that to my brooding and contemplative attitude like an hour ago.)

The key in this concept of Christian suffering? "To magnify Christ as a Superior Satisfaction." I'm not going into crazy detail about what its all about ... but this what Piper says ... and what strikes me the most.
"We do not choose suffering simply because we are told to, but because the one who tells us to describe it as the path to everlasting joy. he beckons us into the boedience of suffering not to demonstrate the strength of our devotion to duty, nor to reveal the vigor of our moral resolve, nor to prove the heights of our tolerance for pain; but rather to manifest, in childlike faith, the infinite preciousness of his all-satisfying promises."

Its weird, everything is tying together. For me, the essence of suffering isn't so much how much pain you're going to endure or whatnot .. but it comes down whether God is who He says he is. I wasn't thinking that initially...but after reflecting on it a bit .. God just showed me it was the same struggle that I was going through during retreat. I'm still looking for my own fleece ... I still have that faith block. I can accept God creating the universe in 7 days and Him parting the Red Sea. I can even accept that He raised Jesus Christ from dead to life. God could seriously do a bunch of stuff in other people's lives ... but I want to see His reality in mine's. Its seems stupid, even selfish ... but this is the mental block I'm at. I can't progress past this place I'm in right now because I don't trust God to be reality in my own life. I mean sure here and there I accept it ... but when rubber hits the road ... I lack the faith to take that full step of trust. Like, let's equate it to leaning back and trusting God to catch me... I'm leaning back but turning around breaking my own fall just before its too late. You follow what I'm getting at here?

I dunno, maybe my idealism of what faith is ... all my "church-head-knowledge" is getting in the way. I can't say for sure. All I know is that beyond this point lies two paths in which I can choose to follow. On one path I have my comfortable, safe, Christianity. Let's be honest here people, that's not difficult to achieve. Go to church on Sunday, youth group on Friday, and Bible study on Wednesday. "If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men." (I Corinthians 15:19) On the other path we have a life which, given that the reality of God is what He says it is, is truly living life on the edge. People, God's words will have to penetrate everything we say and do! If God is real, His promises sure ... we must love our neighbors. Those people you always joke around with in class? the people you see on a day to day basis who don't know him? We are called to be AMBASSADORS. Not just some lame-ass (pardon the language) mirage of Jesus Christ. What I'm living is not "this life," its hardly life at all. I'm attempting to straddle between the the pleasures of this world and the pleasures of God and folks ... we simply can't mix pink lemonade and chocolate milk. I think I have a taste (no pun intended) of what is so repulsive of a lukewarm Christian. We know the truth and yet we do not act.

*sigh* Okay I'm getting too abstract here. So the question comes down to whether or not I can make it past this faith-block. Is it my selfishness? My doubt? Regardless of all these things ... I dont' think I'm questioning the existence and truth of God. God has placed people in my life to be an ambassador to (see following entry for John Zimmerman's message). Concretely?
Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question:

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." - Matthew 22:34-40

All the law and the prophets hang on these commandments.

The Kevin Baba challenge for this week: Obey every prompting of the Holy Spirit. Walk in the Spirit right? Because we're in the light right? Show me the money.
"I have heard many proclaim that the movie and book series, Lord of the Rings, is a prophetic allegory representing God and His Kingdom in a power conflict with the devil and his kingdom.

I personally, strongly believe that there is a deception behind this assessment. Please consider the following insights:

1. God in His Word, absolutely forbids the practice of sorcery and witchcraft. He has some very strong feelings in regards to these strong, that in the old testament, the scripture says, "suffer not a witch to live'" (see Exodus 22:18). This strong conviction of the Lord concerning this abomination is carried throughout the new testament where the scripture says that the sorcerer's portion will be in the lake of fire (see Revelation 21:8)

The movie, Lord of the Rings, is basically a story involving the power of "good" sorcery/sorcerers warring against the "bad" sorcery/sorcerers. Believers who have embraced the movie often claim that the "good sorcerer" and his company represents the Lord and his Kingdom. They see it as a "prophetic allegory".

On the basis of the authority of the Word of God, this is a false and deceptive interpretation. God would NOT in any way inspire someone to write an allegory representing Himself as a sorcerer, nor represent His Kingdom through sorcery. God would never violate His own Word and use an act that He labels as sin to represent Himself or His Kingdom in any way.

The claim that Lord of the Rings is a prophetic allegory, picturing the war of God and His Kingdom against the devil and his kingdom is a false claim according to the authority of the Word of God.

3. The author of Lord of the Rings was known to be a confessing Christian. Many believers feel that "Lord of the Rings" should be validated as a prophetically inspired allegory due to it's "Christian authorship".

Christians must never exalt a person or their proclaimed doctrine or expressions above the counsel of the Word of God. There have been many well meaning and good-hearted Christians over the years who have been terribly deceived and have led many believers into false teachings.

4. Some have testified that "Lord of the Rings" has had a profound and positive influence upon their walk with the Lord and therefore believe that the movie should be endorsed as an anointed tool.

Please understand that the end does not necessarily justify the means. All deception has the appearance of some benefits in it. For example, a heroin addict might say in the beginning of his affair with the drug, "this is the best thing that has ever happened to me......this high makes me feel so peaceful, so free from worldly care,...awakens my spirit...etc" Well, just because the drug has some enjoyable benefits doesn't make it good for you. Time will reveal the true fruit of it's effect.


Before I became a Christian, I was involved in witchcraft and the new age. I was on a spiritual journey and my heart was in a sincere place of searching for truth. I was looking for God and for spiritual awakening. I was not a "bad witch"....oh no, I was a "good one". I wasn't involved in destruction rituals. I did not desire to harm anyone. I was attempting to help people...fighting against sickness with health potions; warring against hate with love potions, "blessing" garden seed for better crops, and making spiritual confessions/spells to get the lumps out of gravy, telling people good things about their future through the use of new age prophetic tools. What could be wrong with that? And you know what? It all worked! I found it to be very spiritually fulfilling in a particular way at the time. Although it appeared helpful and loving; although it worked....and was personally was wrong.......why? because the "All-Wise God" said so in His Word!

People would never serve a deception if it didn't work. People serve deceptions and false religions because they do work....but it doesn't make the practices right!!! Destruction rituals in satanic covens really do work!!! But they are not right! If God forbids a practice then it is wrong whether it works or not.

Most false religions have some great morals and operate in good principles and sometimes scriptural principles, but we are not to imbibe. This is clear in the scriptures. God's people were always commanded by Him to keep separate from the beliefs of other nations that surrounded them. When they conquered their lands they had to remain separated and were commanded to destroy all the high places.

If we think in our mind, "the Lord of the Rings must be approved by God because it is a picture of good versus evil", then we are evaluating it in our mind but not according to the Word of God. This is called "eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil"......this is a forbidden tree.


The entire fall of man came as a result of Adam and Eve, evaluating in their own minds whether the decision to eat of the forbidden tree was a good idea or not. If they had turned back to the simplicity of the uncompromised Word that God had spoken, we all would have been spared the horrific consequences that followed.
God can use anything at any time to teach His people lessons but it doesn't mean He has authored the means. When I was studying the new age practice of astrology (forbidden in the scriptures) before I became saved, we reviewed a chart which displayed the life of Christ. The new age researchers had studied the planetary alignment that was present at the time of Jesus' birth and confirmed through the astrological prophetic interpretations the virgin birth, Jesus' two fathers -- one earthly, one heavenly; Christ's death and resurrection; and His miracle working ministry. I was very amazed as we studied it and was drawn towards this wonderful Man who had such an unusual chart. My heart was truly stirred and faith began to surface towards the reality of Christ's Deity.

The Lord used this practice to reveal Himself to my hungry heart, but it doesn't mean He endorsed the practice or authored it to bring me revelation. His own Word actually forbids the practice of astrology. God can use anything and intervene with truth in the midst of any deception in order to fulfill His purposes....He can even use the devil's own weaponry and turn it against him.

Prior to becoming a Christian, I had a moment of spiritual enlightenment concerning the person of Jesus while I was totally stoned on marijuana. This experience does not validate the use of marijuana as an inspired tool of the Lord to enhance revelation of truth....but He did touch my searching heart during that time. Again, He can use anything that the devil puts in our way to destroy us, but it doesn't mean that He authors or endorses it.

The end does NOT always justify the means.
5. When a Christian opens their soul to deception (like sitting in a movie and "sucking in" the enjoyment of the deceptive content), they become susceptible to receiving a spirit of deception. This is dangerous to a person's spiritual journey and will distort true vision and prophetic discernment in their future walk.

The first plumb line for discernment must be the Word of God. If an act or practice violates the counsel of the Word then it must be disqualified on the basis of the scripture. You need not go further in your discernment processes.

6. We have discovered, through many interviews with those who have been ensnared by the deception behind "Lord of the Rings", that the root of their personal deception was found in a judgment in their heart towards "religion" or "the religious". This became the landing strip for error. Many of the "ensnared" have testified that they were uncomfortable with "religion" and the "restraints" that it brought. In their attempt to be as "free" as possible, they swung into toleration of practices that were forbidden by scripture and therefore lost true discernment.

These have all been very precious people who truly love God, but the critical judgment in their heart, set them up for clouded vision and a fall.

7. Warning for Leaders: Pray for wisdom and discernment concerning doctrines that your flocks are being taught. If leaders endorse or encourage error and deception, there will be grievous consequences for the people.

Ahab was called the most wicked King due his compromise. He led a whole nation astray (save a remnant) through his compromised leadership and encouragement of mixture.
Question: Are we preaching truth or error?"

This is just from an email I received on this mailing list I'm on ... it was concerned Lord of the Rings (the book, movies, etc.). I agree that it might be on the conservative side and there are probably things you don't agree with , but it is something to think about. Here's an article about Harry Potter ... and I know a lot of you reading this will probably dismiss this ... but listen carefully to the objections that the article makes and the response you make. I guess I"m posting this because we talk so much about submitting our lives to the Word of God ... but once we enter into a realm of deciding on complete and utter obedience to Him ... we kind of make excuses. We can't really pick and choose what we want to obey and what not to. If God's calling you to be a holy people, a royal priesthood ... why are we the ones creating the conditions from which we will do so?

Saturday, November 16, 2002

So I'm all motivated to do my math homework and what not ... not doing anything just focusing on math homework. And I don't get it. *grumble* ... off to math group again .. with no freaking clue what is going on ... awww right!
�Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.� Proverbs 25:28
Aw man ... I want a hammock!!


Wednesday, November 13, 2002

A couple articles which I just read ...
"When I was a university student, I was unsuccessfully
evangelized by almost every Christian group on campus. My
basic response to their preaching was, "How can I believe
when I look at the way the church lives?" They answered,
"Don't look at the church, look at Jesus."

"I now believe that statement is one of the saddest in the
history of Christianity. It puts Jesus on a pedestal apart from
the people who share his name. Belief in him becomes an
abstraction removed from any demonstration of its meaning
in the world. Such thinking is a denial of what is most basic
to the gospel: incarnation. People should be able to look at
the way we live and begin to understand what the gospel is
about. Our life must tell them who Jesus is and what he
cares about."

"The greatest need of our time is not simply the preaching
of the gospel, not diakonia, or service on behalf of justice,
not charisma, the experience of the Spirit's presence, not
even propheteia, the challenging of the king. The greatest
need of our time is for koinonia, the call simply to be the
church, to love one another, and to offer our lives for the
sake of the world."

-Jim Wallis, 'The Call to Conversion'.
"The Touch of God - Moses"
-by David Wilkerson. (July 8, 2002).

As I write this, another bomb has exploded in Israel, killing fourteen people. Thousands of Islamics have lined up to blast themselves into eternity, just to harass the Israelis. Yet Islam has declared war not only on Israel, but on Christianity. America now lives in utter fear. We're afraid of more suicide bombers, germ warfare, even nuclear attack. A pall of death hangs over the nation.

Where is the church in the midst of this chaos? Most of Christianity is in a state of death. The church is full of religious activity, but it's mostly flesh. God's presence is woefully missing during this time of crisis.

That is tragic, because our Lord always has a remedy for a world in chaos. It's a time-tested remedy he has used for generation after generation, to wake up his dead, backslidden church. This remedy hasn't changed since man's creation. It's simply this: God raises up chosen men and women.

In times such as these, our Lord uses individuals to respond to a world in crisis. He touches his servants in a supernatural way. First, he transforms them. Then, he calls them to a life of total submission to his will. These God-touched servants are best described in Psalm 65:4: "Blessed is the man whom thou choosest, and causest to approach unto thee, that he may dwell in thy courts."

In short, God calls such a servant apart. His Spirit woos him into intimate communion. And there, in the Lord's awesome presence, the servant is given God's mind. He receives a divine call. Suddenly, his soul is filled with an urgency. He emerges from this communion with a God-given word. And he begins to walk with spiritual authority.

Biblical history reveals this pattern again and again. Time after time, God's people rejected him and turned to idols. They adopted heathen practices, with each generation becoming more vile and corrupt. Their wickedness grieved and angered the Lord. Yet, how were they restored? In every case, God raised up a godly servant: a judge, a prophet, a righteous king.

Samuel is one such example. He chided Israel, "When they forgot the Lord their God, he sold them into the hand of (their enemies)...And they cried unto the Lord, and said, We have sinned, because we have forsaken the Lord...And the Lord sent Jerubbaal, and Bedan, and Jephthah, and Samuel, and delivered you out of the hand of your enemies on every side, and ye dwelled safe" (1 Samuel 12:9-11).

Such God-touched servants became God's instruments of deliverance. They were able to discern the times. And because they knew God's heart, the Lord used them as his oracles. They spoke his word both to his people and to the surrounding nations.

There is no doubting God's touch on someone who has been chosen and called. Such a person stands out from all others. So, why did the Lord touch these particular servants? Why did he raise up Abraham, Moses, David and certain others to bring restoration to his people and to the nations? Did the Lord see something special in them?

No, these figures weren't supermen. Their broken, flawed lives bear this out. Nor were they simply predetermined to do the things they did. Every person has a free will, choosing either to follow or reject God's call.

Consider Saul: he was chosen by God, touched by his hand, filled with his Spirit. The Lord had a marvelous plan for Saul's life. He intended to establish for him an "everlasting" throne. Yet Saul aborted God's call. Despite God's anointing, he rebelled against the Lord. His destiny wasn't determined simply by God's election of him.

When God chooses someone to be set apart for a special, redeeming work, he gives that servant two calls. And how the servant responds to these calls determines the power and intensity of God's touch in his life. First, there is the call to come up. Then, there is the call to come out. Moses' life exemplifies both of these calls.

1. God calls us to come up.

This call summons us out of the busyness of life and into an unshackled pursuit of God's presence. Consider Moses' experience. When Moses became Israel's leader, suddenly he was a very busy man. No congregation in history was ever as large or as needy. God's people numbered in the millions. Moses' life quickly became hectic, as he judged and ministered to the people from morning till night.

Finally, Moses' father-in-law, Jethro, intervened. He warned Moses that he would wear himself out and weary the people. Jethro advised, "Be thou for the people to God-ward...and let (others) judge the people at all shall it be easier for thyself, and they shall bear the burden with thee" (Exodus 18:19-22). Jethro was saying, in other words, "You're the pastor, Moses. You need to shut yourself in with God. Assign others the jobs of arbitrating and counseling. Then get alone with God. Seek his presence, get his mind, receive his word. This should be your first priority."

Moses heeded this wise counsel. He appointed others to act as judges and counselors. And he determined to accept God's call to "come up." Scripture says, "Moses went up unto God" (19:3). "The Lord came down upon Mount Sinai, on the top of the mount: and the Lord called Moses up to the top of the mount; and Moses went up" (Exodus 19:20).

Moses prized the presence of God in his life. And this determined the intensity of God's touch on his life. Note how the Lord singled out Moses from the other Israelites, to approach him: "The people stood afar off, and Moses drew near unto the thick darkness where God was" (Exodus 20:21).

Moses represents the blessed man spoken of by David: "Blessed is the man whom thou choosest, and causest to approach unto thee, that he may dwell in thy courts" (Psalm 65:4). The word for "causeth" here means to be moved upon, to be urged by God to come up.

Many Christians have experienced this call, this divine urge to commune with the Lord. The Holy Spirit calls them to the mount of intimacy often, saying, "I desire to change you, to give you a greater anointing. I want to take you deeper and further in me. I want to reveal my ways to you as never before."

Yet, not all who are called respond. As a result, God doesn't touch them with his fire and unction. At first they may have answered, "Lord, I won't let you down. I'll seek your face continually." And for a season, they shut themselves up in prayer. But they didn'tset their hearts to go all the way in prayer. After a while, they ignored God's voice and went their own way. They cut short his call to come up to where he is.

Most who are called and chosen stop halfway up the mount.

Halfway is where many believers end up. The Bible tells us, "He said unto Moses, Come up unto the Lord, thou, and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel; and worship ye afar off. And Moses alone shall come near the Lord: but they shall not come nigh; neither shall the people go up with him" (Exodus 24:1-2).

God had chosen a handful of men he wanted to touch. He had wonderful plans for these men, especially for Aaron and his sons. They were to be Israel's priestly leaders. The Lord had told Moses, "I will sanctify the tabernacle of the congregation, and the altar; I will sanctify also both Aaron and his sons, to minister to me in the priest's office" (29:44). Likewise, the Lord had told the elders, "Ye shall be unto me a kingdom of priests, and an holy nation" (19:6).

So, why did God tell these men to their faces, "Worship me afar off. Don't come near to me. Only Moses shall come up to me at the top of the mount" (see 24:1-2)? The fact is, God knew the sins brewing in these men's hearts. And they had to be dealt with. He wanted to touch their lives. But he couldn't do that as long as they were hiding sin.

So, God allowed them to come only halfway up the mount. Yet, even so, he appeared to them supernaturally, as a cloud of darkness: "They saw the God of Israel: and there was under his feet as it were a paved work of a sapphire stone, and as it were the body of heaven in his clearness" (Exodus 24:10). These men now stood in the incredible, revelatory presence of God. They even ate and drank there, at a table in his presence. But they were still "afar off" from him.

Israel's elders were being exposed to the utter, shattering holiness of God. It was as if he were saying, "Sin has a hold on your heart. And it's keeping you from the full revelation I want to give you. Your besetting lust is robbing you of close communion with me. You can't be intimate with me as long as you have hidden sin."

Try to picture these men as they heard this word:

* Aaron had been told by God, "I'm going to sanctify you as high priest. I'll clothe you in purple and gold. And I'll set you before Israel as an example." Yet Aaron's heart was tainted by jealousy over Moses. He also had a sensual streak, and he feared man more than God.

* God had told Nadab and Abihu he would reveal his holiness to them. Yet these two men were hardened in an addiction to adultery. They didn't possess an ounce of the fear of God. Now the Lord was telling them, "I'm a merciful God. My desire is that when you come into my presence, you'll allow yourselves to be broken."

* God had told the seventy elders he wanted to exalt them before the world. Yet these same men refused to be under anyone's authority. They considered themselves to be as gifted and holy as Moses. (This would later manifest itself in a rebellious uprising.) But God was urging them into his presence. He wanted to deal with their deadly pride.

God was warning these chosen men, giving them a mercy call.

The Lord so desired to use all these men. He wanted them to be broken, so he could bring them higher. So he gave them an incredible mercy call, to come up.

Saul received the same kind of mercy call. This man's heart was bound by demonic strongholds. He had marched into Ramah seeking to kill David. But the Holy Spirit moved on Saul. All night long, the king lay in God's presence, smitten. Yet even this merciful, supernatural intervention didn't change Saul's heart.

Now Israel's leaders were at a similar crossroads. They were halfway up the mount, halfway to God's touch, halfway to his consuming presence. "Then went up Moses, and Aaron, and Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel...And upon the nobles of the children of Israel he laid not his hand" (Exodus 24:9-11). Note the last verse: the Lord didn't judge them. In truth, these men deserved to be slain, because of their sin. But God's only desire was to redeem.

Next we read, "Moses rose up, and his minister Joshua: and Moses went up into the mount of God. And he said unto the elders, Tarry ye here for us, until we come again unto you" (24:13-14). The elders were to stay and wait for Moses' return. But almost immediately, their hearts were pulled by the Israelite camp below.

Soon they weren't willing to wait on the Lord anymore.

I picture Nadab and Abihu as the first to leave this halfway camp. They itched to get back to the restless crowd and their own lustful ways. So they followed the tug of their flesh. Despite God's appearance to them in the dark cloud, despite being allowed to eat and drink in his presence, they left that place untouched.

These two men represent Christian leaders today who freely indulge in lust, pornography, adultery. They're so hardened by their sin, nothing can reach them. They reject every mercy call from the Holy Spirit, every convicting message from his prophets, every encounter with the Lord himself. They abort all his attempts to deliver them.

The next men to be tempted were Aaron and the other pious leaders. One after another, they whispered, "We don't know what's happened to Moses. He may have abandoned us." Soon the whole body of elders repeated this faithless chant. These were men who had been called by God to a life of prayer and communion. But now, one by one, they left his presence untouched. They didn't repent or yield to his holiness. Instead, they turned back to a religion of abominable flesh.

Yet, further up on the mount, Moses experienced God's touch in full. How? He was obedient to the Lord's voice. He had followed his call to come up: "The Lord said unto Moses, Come up to me into the mount, and be there" (Exodus 24:12). God was saying, in other words, "Come into my presence. Just be there for me."

For six days, Moses waited outside the glory cloud. I believe it was during these six days that the elders left the halfway camp. They were convinced God had nothing more to say to them. But Moses obeyed the Lord by waiting. Then we read, "The seventh day he called unto Moses out of the midst of the cloud...and Moses went into the midst of the cloud...and Moses was in the mount forty days and forty nights" (24:16-18).

Moses received an incredible revelation of the Lord during those forty days. And just as God called Moses then, he's calling his servants to the mount today. His Spirit is urging us to come up to a place higher and deeper in him than we've ever known. He's calling us to communion, to intimacy, to talk with him face to
face, as Moses did.

Indeed, the Lord has given us the same commandment to wait on him: "On thee do I wait all the day" (Psalm 25:5). "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength" (Isaiah 40:31). "They shall not be ashamed that wait for me" (Isaiah 49:23). Passage after passage calls us to wait on God. Yet, how many of us quickly turn back to our old ways? How many of us are pulled back by our flesh, to a dead form of religion?

The Holy Spirit spoke this to my heart: "David, those who wait in my presence feed me. Their quiet worship, their waiting to hear my voice, are my food." Such God-touched servants have determined, "I'm going to wait on the Lord. I won't settle for anything less than face-to-face communion with him. It doesn't matter what others do in their walk. I want God to take me places in him where others refuse to go."

2. God calls us to come out.

"Moses took the tabernacle, and pitched it without the camp, afar off from the camp, and called it the Tabernacle of the congregation. And...every one which sought the Lord went out unto the tabernacle of the congregation" (Exodus 33:7).

This wasn't the wilderness tabernacle; that hadn't been constructed yet. Rather, this tabernacle was the "tent of meeting." It served as Moses' prayer closet when he went to meet with the Lord. So, why did Moses move this tent far off from the camp? He did so because Israel had defiled themselves. They had rejected God's authority. And they'd turned instead to gross wickedness of all kinds: idolatry, sensuality, adultery, nudity.

God finally had to remove his presence from Israel. He declared, "I can't walk in the midst of a defiled people. You're stiff-necked, worthy to be destroyed. Now, take off all your ornaments and stop strutting around proudly. I'm going to decide what to do with you" (see 33:5).

A pall of death hung over the camp. God had removed the pillar of fire, and his presence was nowhere to be found. Likewise today, an atmosphere of death hangs over churches where God has removed his presence. It doesn't matter how loudly the congregation sings, what new method of worship has been introduced, or how hard the pastor tries to work up people's emotions. The place is dead, devoid of God's presence. The sermons are lifeless, lacking conviction. And the sheep are left hungry and wanting.

Moses knew that only God's presence brings life. So he went to the tent of meeting continually, praying, "Lord, only one thing makes Israel different from the other nations: your presence. Without you in our midst, we're no better than the heathen. We're powerless against our enemies. If we don't have your presence, we've got no reason to exist. We might as well quit right now. I won't go on without you."

The Lord told Moses he wouldn't come back into the defiled camp. But he did agree to send an angel to lead Israel: "Go, lead the people unto the place of which I have spoken...behold, mine Angel shall go before thee" (32:34). Then he promised, "I will send an angel before thee; and I will drive out (your enemies)...[and lead you] unto a land flowing with milk and honey: (but) I will not go up in the midst of thee" (33:3).

I had to reread this last verse several times before I understood what God was saying. In short, he was telling his people, "Go ahead, move forward, fight your battles. You'll defeat your enemies. And you'll obtain their houses, vineyards and possessions. I will uphold all my promises to you. But my presence won't be with you."

This passage explains much of what has happened to God's church in our day. Untold numbers of pastors and congregations have moved on without God's presence. They're building huge churches, drawing large numbers, bringing in a wealth of funds. Some even cast out demons or heal the sick. But the Lord himself isn't in their midst. The manifest presence of Christ is nowhere to be found among them.

Jesus predicted such things would happen in the last days. Flesh-driven ministers would do great works, unconcerned whether the Lord is with them. All they care about is that their bills are paid and that thousands flock to their churches. Some pastors actually fear God's presence. They won't allow visiting ministers to preach, afraid that a convicting message will scare away their parishioners.

God is telling them in these passages, "Go ahead, get your prosperity. But be ready for my wrath to break out on you at any time. Your fleshly pursuits and defilement have driven my presence from you."

A true shepherd of God, however, has one overriding concern: "Is the Lord among us? Is his presence here in our midst?"

Moses knew what it would take to bring back God's presence.

God's presence will not return to any congregation until the minister and people leave behind all defilement. They must forsake all lusts and separate themselves to a place of heart-purity.

Israel had been completely defiled, including Aaron and the priesthood. So, Moses left the camp and set himself apart to the Lord. Immediately, God filled the tent of meeting with his presence: "As Moses entered into the tabernacle, the cloudy pillar descended, and stood at the door of the tabernacle, and the Lord talked with Moses...and the Lord spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend" (Exodus 33:9-11).

Moses is a shining example of what it takes to bring back Christ's manifest presence to a congregation. First, the minister must separate himself to God and shut himself up in intercession. Then a holy remnant must follow their pastor, leaving behind all defilement. A spirit of repentance will pervade that new camp. Soon pure worship will break forth among them. And the people will know the Lord has returned.

This is the only way to bring back God's presence: to refuse to stay in the place of defilement. You may say, "That's Old Testament theology. You can't apply it in New Testament times." But Paul warns us clearly: "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the
temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are" (1 Corinthians 3:16-17).

In short, God is telling us, "Remove yourself from all lusts: pornography, covetousness, adultery. Get away from the bitterness growing inside you. Separate yourself from the place of defilement." Such talk of separation may not sound like "normal" Christianity. A normal walk with Jesus today means reading a Bible chapter, praying on your way to work, and going to church on Sunday. But, beloved, we aren't living in normal times. God is calling his people today to radical Christianity.

Right now, multiple thousands of Muslims are lined up, begging, "Let me die for my faith." They pray devoutly six times a day. Yet, all the while, tens of thousands of American Christians sit lazily in front of their TV sets, drinking in filth. As I mentioned earlier, our society is sitting on edge, awaiting more destruction. We tremble at the thought of the next terrorist attack. Yet the Christianity that the world sees is weak, powerless, flesh-saturated, prayerless.

It's going to take a supernatural infusion of God's presence for his church to come alive again. And that means radical measures among his people. God isn't asking you to pray six times a day, or to fast for weeks at a time. He simply wants communion.

The Lord is asking you to meet him on the mount. He wants you to come up, to remove yourself from the place of defilement. His great desire is to take you ever deeper and further into his heart. That's how he responds to a world in crisis. He causes his servants to take him more seriously than ever before. And he fills them with his presence. Then the masses of humanity will see and know that Jesus Christ is Lord.
-This data file/publication is the sole property of World Challenge, Inc. It may be printed in its entirety for the reader's personal use or to pass on to family and friends. It may not be altered or edited in any way, and all reproductions of this data
file/publication MUST contain this copyright notice:

Copyright � 2002 - World Challenge, Inc.
P.O. Box 260, Lindale, Texas 75771, USA

Tuesday, November 12, 2002

'One Thing have I desired...
to behold the beauty of the Lord' (PS. 27:4)

The Call Revolution

Monday, November 11, 2002

Everyday it's the same thing; another trend has begun
Hey kids, this might be the one
It's a race to be noticed and it's leaving us numb
Hey kids, we can't be the ones

With all of our fashion we're still incomplete
The God of redemption could break our routine

There's a new way to be human
It's nothing we've ever been
There's a new way to be human
New way to be human

And where is our inspiration when all the heroes are gone?
Hey kids, could we be the ones?

'Cause nobody's famous and nobody's fine
We all need forgiveness; we're longing inside

There's a new way to be human
It's nothing we've ever been
There's a new way to be human
It's spreading under my skin
There's a new way to be human
Where divinity blends
With a new way to be human
New way to be human

You're throwing your love across my impossible space
You have created me
Take me out of me into a new way to be human
To a new way to be human

You're a new way to be human
Where my humanity bends
To a new way to be human
Redemption begins

You're a new way to be human
You're a new way to be human
You're the only way to be human
You're a new way to be human

Saturday, November 09, 2002

Well, I'm home alone right now. Phil's out at the Pub. Igor's out playing some RPG. Chris is enjoying Niban with Harvesters. And there's me :)

Was planning to just hang around and do homework ... but had to get out. Been trying to get out for a work out or a run the past week .. just haven't been able to do it. But! Tonight. Ah, tonight ... I was able to get out and go running. So I decided to run the campus loop. 30 minutes tops. Ended up taking 50 minutes. Which is ok ... because prayer and running is one of the most fantasmic combinations ever. Wow. All I can say is that God is amazing ... and He does answer prayer. I can't mention the answered prayer for various reasons. But rest assured, God is real, He's listening ... and He listens to every prayer and petition. Listen people ... LISTEN ... its the sound of revival. Its the sound of God moooooving through the streets. Aw man guys, if we would just be able to take hold of this imperishable seed and water it!... Oh, that we would allow the Holy Spirit to cultivate and nurture it into something wonderful .. something which our Abba has planned along. Something which God desires for us from His Heart of hearts, everything that we were created to be. Man ... is there a hunger in you that burns for God? A thirst which will not be satisfied by anything but the one Real Thing? "Therefore, [brothers and sisters], since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." (Hebrews 12:1) Let's throw off all the lies that Satan has put in our heads .. that we're not qualified, that we're not good enough, all the "buts" ... the only "but" which matters this: But God is so much bigger than my circumstances, my insufficiencies, my failures, me.

Aww man .. MAN. :) Sweetness. This is pure sweetness! Ahaha ... this is glory...

Concert In My Head: Delirious, "Obsession." Audio Adrenaline, "You Still Amaze Me"

Friday, November 08, 2002

Oh! Oh! Hold up ... reason for previous entry.

"Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming." Ephesians 4:14

We should no longer be infants, blown up by God on a spiritual high ... and then blown down by Satan's lies.

Hey you! Stand fast! :) WOOO-AH.
I've been noticing that people have been going through "rough" patches as of late, especially those returning from the Harvest retreat. My week probably hasn't been the most fantasmic ... and everything just seems all over the place. But one thing I've noticed is that this always happens after retreats ... after times when God has spoken. Satan is always trying to steal your victory. So I want to encourage you fellow brothers and sisters, to fight the good fight. And yes, we may feel frustrated, disappointed, challenged, even defeated. But God has already won, and once you submit your life to Him ... He's in control. I'm sure you know that this doesn't mean that life is easy or everything's smooth; no way, nothing ever is. But God is beyond our circumstances. His character, the I AM rises above all the stuff in our lives that tear us down. And as the winds of conflict and challenges blow into our lives, ever-increasing .... we become more broken, and more aware than ever that He is our ever present salvation, our ever present Abba Father.

"Those who trust in the Lord are a strong mountain
They will not ... not be moved.

Those who trust in the Lord are as Mount Zion
They will not ... not be moved.

Christ the King sets my feet on a firm foundation
They will not ... not be moved.

Though the world moves like mad ... You oh Lord are faithful
Jesus, you will not ... not be changed."
- 100 Portraits & Waterdeep ... "Those Who Trust (Psalm 125)

Thursday, November 07, 2002

After resolving to respond to random prompts in my heart (inspired by the HS and Michael Koh) ... I totally blew it like three times today. Its reaching ridiculous proportions.

1) I was walking to CLICS to do some homework ... and I see a cop directing some car traffic near Mayer Hall. I see an ambulance parked nearbuy with its lights on and a cop in the window in the building above. I dunno, I just felt like I should ask the cop what was going on ... and ask if I could go pray for the person, whatever was wrong with them. What do I do? Ignore the prompt .. just keep on walking ...

2) So I'm talking to a friend ... and she's just saying how tough her day has been. She didn't sleep until like 7 AM this morning. As I'm wrapping up the convo, I just feel prompted to say, "I'm praying for you." Simple couple of words. And I just couldn't say it. Something to the effect of, "Okay, take care." Weak. WEAK.

3) Right after that .. as I'm beating myself over the head about not responding something as innocent as that, I see a girl closing up the little coffee shop place by CLICS. She's reaching up and she can't reach this latch thing to bring down the cover. I felt like I should ask her if she needed help. What do I do again? As I'm thinking about not responding to (2) ... just walk on by .. just walk on by. Hello g'morning. You're a MORON.

Boo. Thank God we get grace ... because I botched it over and over and over again today. >_<

I dunno, Michael Koh said that God reveals Himself in the ordinary things. I'm not saying that all those things were times where God was going to do something awesome... but the potential was there! At the very least, I could have shown some love to others. Prayer is fine and dandy ... but without action ... its dead. I can call Abba Father 24/7 ... but if I'm not willing to walk with him, to do stuff WITH Him ... its pointless.

Dang. Everyone's doing the Xanga thing. I will be faithful to my *sniff*

So I'm moving to a new template ... I'll fiddle with it when I get the time ....

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

"You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your Word. Sustain me according to your promise, and I will; do not let my hopes be dashed." Psalm 119:114,116

BOOOYAH. Screw you, emotional rollercoaster! That's the truth .. and it covers me.

Kevin Baba was sharing something in our small groups @ retreat that I thought was pretty cool. He was asking the speaker about how doubts have played a role in his walk. Michael Koh just said that the doubts are not the opposite of faith. Unbelief is the opposite of faith. Doubts come along with faith, and as Michael Koh sought God in spite of his doubts, God would address them one by one. Hrm. Unbelief is the opposite of faith, not doubts.

Post-retreat slump, go away! The prowling lion has taken my emotional joy away, my feelings of spiritual high, but the Word of the Lord stands forever.
Its 1:45 AM as I am writing this ... been perusing through several blogs of friends I haven't talked to in awhile. I feel tempted and pressured to write ... but ... there is nothing to say.

Retreat was awesome. No doubt about it ... I'm realizing more and more how selfish and self-centered I am. And more so, I'm realizing that all the "spiritual" things ... all the things that my heart desires .... that those desires aren't lining up with God. I thank God that during this retreat I didn't get what I wanted ... but I did get what I needed. And that's all I can say right now. My heart is heavy from all the issues that have seem to fallen on me after retreat, not to mention the books and homework which threaten to eliminate every sense of spare time. I talking to Jon Chan about how the the play button of life is getting mixed up with the fast forward button ... things are just moving faster and faster. I just want to slow down ... I think more than anything, that's what I appreciated about retreat ... I could go at my own pace.

My personal highlight of the retreat: just sitting in a swing, chilling with Abba Father....

I wish I could say that after retreat, I'm riding sky high on the clouds of spiritual happiness ... of euphoria. But I'm not feeling it ... more than ever, I want God .. and I want Him so badly. My heart is screaming dissatisfaction ... but God's Word is above my circumstances. It is above what I am feeling ... and God says "Lo, I am with you always." And He says to those who seek Him will find Him. :-/

God, I know things are gonna get darker after meeting with you this weekend ... but you're going to have to clear up the skies and have your light shine through.