Monday, September 30, 2002

I am sick of myself. Would I please leave the building?

Sunday, September 29, 2002

Well, its 12:30 AM. Chris went to sleep ... and I got in bed, but I can't sleep. So I'm blogging (silently) in our living room.

Not much has been going on for me. People ask how's it going ... *shrugs*. There really isn't much to say as far as school is concerned. I'm only taking three classes this quarter, the bare minimum. My dad, as expected, wasn't exactly thrilled about the idea. .. but thanks to Daniel, I will hopefully be able to get some work at Earthkam. My dad seemed to be sufficiently pacified after that.

As I said, I'm taking three classes. Math 20F, ECE 53A, and PHYS 2CL. All of them seem pretty challenging. On the flip side, I feel like I'm slacking... especially when people like Lee are taking 3 upper divs ... taking school head on. I totally give her props, she might stress ... but if anyone can pull it off, I'm sure Lee will. My MATH and ECE teachers seem pretty cool ... they can crack jokes :) That's always a good sign ... having a sense of humor. My ECE teacher seems to understand that as CSE majors, we aren't particularly jumping for joy at the prospect of doing EE material. I haven't had physics yet, so my current streak of 2 potential good teachers could stop. On the flip side, the streak could go on to three. Ah. I can dream can't I? :)

Apart from academics, there isn't much going on. Having a college connection usually means downloading ... so i've been on Kazaa for the past three days sweet. My "efforts" have been rewarded handsomely. Oh yes! As so lucidly and eloquently described in my last entry, I went to the switchfoot concert last night. Which was, suffice to say, an uhm, nice way to start the quarter :). It was EXCELLENTE, just wow. Two hard rocking bands, PAX217 and Noise Ratchet, played before Switchfoot, sufficiently amping up the emotion in the room. Last Switchfoot concert seemed pretty tamed, but this time people were moshing for like "New Way To Be Human," and all the fasts stuff. Haha, I got in for that song ... got pushed around, and pushed others around (mostly the former). This concert rivaled Delirious? in terms of emotional level though, "Dare You To Move" was again, the pinnacle of the night. I put that song right up their with "Obsession," "Come like a Flood," and "Long to Know You" as songs that make my soul explode wih emotion, seriously take me higher. They also played three new tracks from the upcoming "Beautiful Letdown" album. One of the songs was uber awesome, I'm convinced it'll be a #1 single. The rest of the album as well. In any case, I will probably see them Winter and Spring quarter as well. After the new album is out. Zesty.


Tonight, went to Interpraise. I dunno, God's just gotten me so pumped up seeing the unity on this campus, Interpraise almost seemed anticlimatic ... I mean, I'm convinced something changed in the spiritual realm with this culmination of IPCC's efforts ... but I dunno what to feel really. Most of the fellowships got up and talked about what they were about, trying to convince freshmen to join their fellowship. It was almost ironic, first talking about how it does mater which fellowship you go to, and how we're all a body, how we all offer similar ministries, and then turning around and saying our fellowship is "all about knowing God deeper..." Y'know, all the cliches ... everything just seemed so rehearsed. I think Edwin of Campus Crusade and the guy from Moved were the only two that seemed to speak from the heart (although that was probably because everyone else was saying hte same thing). Or maybe I'm just calloused. During the little speeches, I was just thinking ... obviously, if we have such a large # of fellowships, there should be defining characteristics of each one right? The body of Christ is unique, each blessed with different gifs and abilities .. and yet so many of our fellowhips seem so homogenous. If I were a freshman, I wouldn't have a clue ... almost everybody is promoting the same thing (we're all about prayer, worship, bible study, fellowship, evangelism, blah blah blah). I mean, if one is going to start a new fellowship, you obviously need to be attempting to meet a need that other fellowships haven't addressed. Moreover, if the original mission statement is no longer relevant, you need to find your purpose as a fellowship on campus.


I guess a good example of this is AACF (Asian American Christian Fellowship). *WARNING: RANTING FOR THE NEXT COUPLE PARAGRAPHS* I don't understand what the purpose of AACF is. The name inherently prohibits (okay, that's a strong word ...), discourages, Caucasians from particapting. Now tonight's presenter made a note saying that you don't have to be Asian to join. Alright, those are good intentions ... but good intentions don't necessarily facilitate change or reflect reality. The reality is that no Caucasian is going to attend a predominantly Chinese fellowship who's purpose is to minister to the Asian population. Granted, there are exceptions, this is no means an absolute. But the fact remains that the fellowship name immediately turns away anyone who is not Asian. Moreover, what is this about ministering to the Asian culture? If the fellowship consisted of people who just came from China or some Asian country, and the programs accurately tried to meet the needs of the Asian community .. then fine. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but cooking Asian food, cracking FOB jokes, speaking in a FOB accent, and congregating in groups of American-Asian people just doesn't cut it for me. I don't see any special interest group here.

Okay, I understand I'm being a bit harsh, but I'm trying to understand the legitimacy of AACF's purpose. I understand people might be uncomfortable around non-Asians ... but you don't get past that uncomfortableness unless you start hanging around non-Asians! You don't get over your fears by staying in the areas you feel comfortable. In all my cynicism, I suspect AACF started by a bunch of American-Asians for American-Asians. But that's just me making this the worst possible situation. :)

I say this because I deliberately avoided AACF because of the above. (Also the meat-market reputation the seem to have wasn't exactly drawing me towards their ministry). I feel that God's led me to Crusade. And i the same way I've criticized Asians for insulating themselves from the ethnic diversity, I am inclined to criticize Caucasians for the same thing. I dunno, I am convinced that race is an issue at UCSD. With the notable exception of Intervarsity (which, by the way ... was the only fellowship which explicitly promoted unity and diversity of ethnicity), all the othe fellowships seem to be divided along race lines. At Crusade, it seems to me that if you're Asian (or not white), you better be a crazy outgoing person or you're going to be having heckuva time integrating yourself with the fellowship. I dunno, when I finally got involved at Harvest, I would say that it didn't take THAT long for me to get integrated with a lot of hte people there. A quarter or two. Its been almost two quarters with Crusade, and I still feel like an outsider. I dunno, by nature, I tend to be more outgoing if I know the people that I'm with ... but I tend to be a bit more reserved in situations where I'm not familiar with the environment. Perhaps that's contributing to my feelings of disintegration. I dunno, maybe even reverse racism ... where I'm instantly looking at others with a more critical eye because the're not of my race.

In any case, that's where i stand at Crusade. I'm inclined to think that it has something to do with me .... especially since I can think of exceptions to my little hypothesis in the previous paragraph. It is more comforting to put the burden of issue on others though =P... its me .. its them. *sigH* Hopefully my increased involvement this quarter will result in greater and deeper friendships as well.

Alrightey, if you actually read all of this and your opinion of me hasn't declined drasticallly,then I definitely need to incerase the shock factor of this blog =P. *Grins* They are brainfarts after all.

Just kind of a clarification as to what this blog is for ... its my attempt to let the people that I know well what is going on with my life. I understand that its impersonal to keep on saying "read the blog" ... but I don't know how else I'm goign to let you guys know what's going on. I trust that there will be times to actually talk about what's been happening .. but there's simply to many things going on. The alternative is not telling you anything at all =P. I'd love to write you all personal letters as to what's been going on and how things are going ... but its getting increasinly clear to me that its just not feasible. Such is the world that we (err, I) live in. So yeah, call me, abduct me, take me out to lunch ... I will attempt to do the same :)

Anyway, my eyes are tired now ... so I'm sleeping...

Just kind of a clarification as to what this blog is for ... its my attempt to let the people that I know well what is going on with my life. I understand that its impersonal to keep on saying "read the blog" ... but I don't know how else I'm goign to let you guys know what's going on. I trust that there will be times to actually talk about what's been happening .. but there's simply to many things going on. The alternative is not telling you anything at all =P. I'd love to write you all personal letters as to what's been going on and how things are going ... but its getting increasinly clear to me that its just not feasible. Such is the world that we (err, I) live in. So yeah, call me, abduct me, take me out to lunch ... I will attempt to do the same :)

I'm not even going to bother to spell check this beast. Its 1:30 AM ... ah crazy. Ignore me, I'm on crack :)

Saturday, September 28, 2002

OHMYGOSH SWITCHFOOT WAS SO DOPE IT WAS SO AWESOME I COULD HAVE PEED IN PANTS THE MUSIC WAS SO LOUD AND IT WAS COOL AND I WAS JUMPING AND SCREAMING AND JON FOREMAN IS UBER AWESOME AND YEAH!

*satisfied grin* I think I'm ready to start school now. Freaking crazy. Switchfoot was everything I imagined and more.

Thursday, September 26, 2002

From devos this morning:

But Zion said, "The Lord has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me."
Can a mother forget the baby at her breats
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

--Isaiah 49:14-15

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

To all those who hurting in the midst of the welcome week festivities:

Hang in there. �Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.� (Joshua 1:9) I really hate chucking Bible verses at people ... because it seems so impersonal. But hang onto truth. When all around is crumbling ... truth doesn't crumble. Truth does not decay, fade, or change. And the truth remains that Jesus will not forsake you. He went to the cross for your life, he cares for the birds of the air and the beasts of the field, he will carry you through whatever Satan is trying to throw your way. �Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.� (Joshua 1:9) He will be WITH you. He will not just watching or observing .. but he will be WITH you, holding when the tears break, when the anger boils over, when the frustration sets in. Don't give into the defeat that Satan wants you to be in. Take hold of the victory of the cross. It hurts me to see you guys struggling... imagine how much more it hurts Jesus. Pour out your hearts to him, and may his grace and love heal all things broken.

God Bless.

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

Is it possible that reading other people's weblogs make you feel like you're missing something? 'Cause I just read some friends'. I dunno, its a weird feeling to be informed and knowing what's going on in their lives; and yet still feel further away from it.

Its been a sufficiently weird week. Its been so dope seeing everyone back. Harvest people esp. But other than that .. its been kind of blah. I think I need to get away with God ... everything seems so rushed. >_< The highs of my week are serving with my fellow crusaders ... doing God's work is exciting. The joy is fantasmic. :)

On a random sidenote ... the other two aptmates are still jacking bandwidth from our hub. Boo. My table is still a mess. I'm such a procrastinating neat freak.

What's Playing: Jackie DeShannon - What the World Needs Now
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you abaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:1b-3a

Things I've Realized in the Past Three Days



// I'm freaking hostile. I thought it was just overflow from being nicer this summer ... but I'm outta control here. The first words out of my mouth should be ones of encouragement and blessing, not coarse, insulting joking or sarcastic remarks. I mean, I think there's a time and place for it ... but I notice that sarcasm and put-downs bother me now. There is a difference between casual joking and comments out of habitual sarcasm. I want to apologize specifically to Sabrina...who seems to bring out the best and worst in me (LOL). I'm sure I've gone overboard with other people ... but its late, and I can't think of you right now. >_< But I apologize. I'm trying to have normal conversation...

// I feel bombarded with everything. Its not that I feel like I have too much to do or anything like that ... but it just feels like when I moved in Sunday ... a huge ball started rolling down a hill, and it won't stop until winter break. *sigh* Almost like hyperventilating. But not.

// Muir had 300 surveys. I'm guessing almost 1000+ campus wide. That is freaking a God thang.

// Girls are peculiar creatures. I'm fascinated. I am also utterly confused and lost here. I don't know how to remotely understand what is going on (Matt, I need this braintype/motor skills thing...). And yet I want one. God, I feel like an idiot.

// I hope I don't end this year just knowing my aptmates living habits. I want to get to know them personally. I pray I have time for that, for studies, for God, for friends, and everything this year. It feels like a day is a box which is 2x2 ... and what I need to get done is 12x12. How am I going to fit all that in there?

// Hello. I am a slacker. I am taking three classes this quarter. I will, on the other hand ... but taking GPA-slaughtering courses for Winter and Fall.

// That's it for not ... my brain can only think in blurbs. Also, it doesn't look like I'll be chatting must this year. I don't have the desire or focus to do so. If you want to talk to me - please call me up. We can meet for lunch/dinner. Whatever. I need to see you face to face. AIM will be on 24/7 so people can leave me messages. It won't be for chatting as much. This is the progress report as of now. Terms and conditions may be subject to change without notice.

Monday, September 23, 2002

Galaxy

Love that reaches to me like a flame
It burns that sin would not remain
Within my soul
When I saw the fire that came from you
My eyes were blinded and I knew
The Truth had come

Holy God
All my hope
We come, we come, we come
With faces to Your Son
O Holy One

Lord, through suffering I will cling to You
Through joys I will give thanks to You
Through all my life
True, of all the things that I could bring
My praise will be the offering
that pleases You

Bridge
In the silent hour I can rest
And even in my brokenness
My soul will find
You, the God who took my eyes from this:
The world and all it�s emptiness,
To know Your love
Dude! How could I forget!? I went to FLOOD tonight and got the Something Like Silas EP and "Creation's Call". Ahahahahaa... uber cool... The EP is rocking.
Ah. Return to lovely San Diego. Its been almost a week since I've posted ... what have I been up to? Well, I packed up and hauled out Wednesday morning. That was greeat. Yeah. Ended up leaving around 9ish. Tim didn't leave from the airport with his car until 10 or so. By then, I had already missed the 152 exit and was 30 mins down 101 South. Genius huh? So I turned around ... of course, wasting about 1 hour or so. Instead of me being an hour ahead of Tim, I was now an hour behind him. Great. Well other than that, the trip down south was largely uneventful. LA traffic was absolutely horrendous; it took me an hour and a half to get through it all.

Arrived at Jason's 6ish ... (left bay area 9ish, so much driving!) ... and no one was home. Had a fun time calling around asking people if they knew were Jason was (shopping). Thanks Sabrina and Daniel by the way ... much appreciated the calls. Uhrm, ended up spending the night chilling with Brian, then went out to grab some food with Jason and Cindy. Had excellent food and excellent conversation ... Cindy is uber cool. I mean, Jason is cool too ... but, we knew that already :).

Woke up early the next morning to pick up Tim from Mr. Wang's place and we headed off to the retreat site. Ended up carpooling with two girls, Crystal and Sarah (uber cool as well), driving about two and a half hours to wonderfully boiling hot Palm Springs. *Grins* The place we were staying at is absolutely HUGE though. The backyard is bigger than most of the parts that I know. The retreat was dope. I'll try to post more on it later ... but I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Anyway, got back to La Jolla around 6ish on Friday. Showered off my stankiness and went to Harvest. Wow. It was good to see so many familiar faces again. I don't think I realized I missed a lot of people. Uhm...fellowship was good stuff .. worship for me has been really ... I dunno how to put it. Emotional? *shrugs* Intense. That's an accurate discription. Oh yes. I was able to get in a good chat with Stella. Which was uber excellent because Stella is uber cool. *smile* Yes.

So. Went to the beach on Saturday with Val, Jenny, Steph, Chris, and Patty. We built sand structures. I think that's all I'm going to say about that. Moved in today. That's it. Nothing terribly exciting. My apologies.

On a random note, Chris is struggling to stay awake at the moment. LOL. Quite entertaining. Its only 12:30 AM.

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

Wow. My mind's still spinning from "Momento" this morning. That is one good movie. Excellent. Trippy as they get though. *shakes head* ... the director successfully had me guessing every one of the supporting members of the cast as the murderer or "bad guy," but I never suspected Leonard. Sweetness. I haven't been this thrown off since "The Usual Suspects."

Apart from the movie, I have most of today tying up loose ends. Went to De Anza to send my transcript of my summer school work. Packed. Sorted. Still have about two boxes left. I've resolved to bring less this time around; and yet it seems I'm bringing more. I still not quite sure what's happening here.

I'm leaving tomorrow morning for San Diego. Its about time. Haha, no doubt, I love 3 month summers ... but its wearing on me. I love my parents too, but *shakes head* ... I just need some freedom. In any case, I kind of want to stay ... it was awesome getting to know some of SJ people this summer. Here come the shoutouts...

Post-Summer Shoutouts:
*DISCLAIMER* this is in no particular order. don't get all worried if you're at the end of the list. i save the best for last. if you're in the beginning, i guess you're on my mind a lot. if you're in the middle, i just have too much to say for you. LOL ...

Empowerment Camp Boys: Steve, Justin, Jeff, Garrett, Levis, and Josh ... I love you guys. Keeping on fighting the good fight. Never be satisfied with the mud pies the world feeds you. Never. Always pursue the greater things that the Father has to offer. He loves you and he wants to bless you.

Josh K.: Oh captain oh my captain :) I look up to your spiritual leadership bro. Your servant heart, attitude for worship, love for others, and your integrity will always inspire me to reach for more. Stay alive in China. May the Holy Spirit take you and your school by storm.

Jeremy K.: Local soccer star :). Thanks for blessing me with your fellowship. God'll give you strength to get through everything. Even your math class.

Steve Tang: Man, the thing I regret the most is not chilling with you more. Haha, remember that email you sent saying I was your role model? I think I look up to you in some ways too. Well that was then ... you're growing up as a man of God. I like what I'm seeing. May you pursue Him day after day, your highest passion.

Christine Chan: Heya... :) How goes it? Likewise, I regret not being able to talk with you more often. I confess I often take a lot of my friendships for granted. Thanks for always being there to listen and to talk. G'luck your senior year. I know everything'll turn out alright. I love your joy and your faith in God. God will multiply it. He only asked for the faith the size of a mustard seed :).

Xanthy: [edited] Ok, I just realized that your shoutout was pretty sucky. *grins* I said a lot of this in your little farewell booklet thingy ... but I'll say it again. Thanks for everything. Its been fun just chilling and getting to know you. I dunno, there's supposed to be a lot whole more than that. But that's all I can really say right now :). Have the best year of your life at Cal Poly. Hit on the AACF guys. Right on :). God Bless...

Nat K.: heya there cool olive lady. Haha! I will never ceased to be amazed by the depth and randomness of our conversations. LOL ... thanks for the great chats. I was blessed to get to know you this summer. Too bad it took this long for me to finally get to know you. *grins* Have a fantastic senior year, its a long time a-coming. May you find a good friend at school this year :) ... trust God in all things, He will never fail you. May He walk in front of you, behind you, and beside you.

Byron Y.: my favorite guitar man. I'm telling you, you are priming up to be the next Christian philosopher. Everybody brace yourselves. Hey .. maybe you can do philosophy in the music that you write. Haha ... thanks for being a bro to chat with. You personality and views on life are unique. Set apart from everything else. Keep that in mind with God. He's got a crazy plan for you. Don't forget the retreats where you felt the breath of God. God doesn't reveal Himself for no reason. Seek Him in your dry times and your high times. Pursue your first love. Always.
*Yawn* ... its been a long day. Well, popped on an exhaust fan on my computer this morning and rearranged the cables for "optimal" airflow (oh joy). Then went shopping with Mom to get some last minute stuff before I leave for SD. I'm not quite sure what I did between that dinner. *thinks* Yeah, I have no idea. Anyway, I'm tired. Haha, went over to Gabe's to chill and jam on the guitar for a bit. Then War3'ed a bit. That was fun. And yeah. That's it. Uh-huh. Complete sentence thing going here. *yawn* .. its 1 AM ... I'm not used to being coherent at this hour anymore...

Goodnight people, get some rest.
w00t jonathan edwards rocks.

"Resolved...that all men would live for the glory of God; resolved, second...that if nobody else does, I will."

Monday, September 16, 2002

I suspect this blogger may be more an outlet for God than an outlet for me. The way He moves ...

Lately the running theme of how God's been speaking to me is in groups of three. Generally three separate occassions...may be three different scriptures or the same one, three times. Okay, scratch that ... at LEAST three times :)

Last week:
:: "Do not call conspiracy everything that those people call conspiracy; don't fear what they fear, and do not dread it. The Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the only you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread." Isaiah 8:12-13

:: "But from everlasting to everasting the Lord's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children--with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his thoughts." Psalm 103:18

:: "The fear of the Lord is true wisdom; to forsake evil is real understanding." Job 28:28

:: "Fasting gets you where you want to go faster, it increases your spiritual authority. Those who fear Him have to have more of Him. 'The secret of the Lord is for those who fear Him, and He will make them know his covenant.' (Psalm 25:14)"


Past couple of days:
:: Yesterday's sermon was about the Ephesian church, one of Paul's greatest successes in ministry. This church became a spiritual powerhouse of the ancient world, a center for evangelism. However, in Revelation 2:1-7, John the apostle rebukes the Ephesians:
1"To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: 2I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. 5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. 6But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. 7He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God." (emphasis mine's)


:: This morning as I was doing my devotions I came across this passage. "May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord." Psalm 104:34

:: An email I received: "Yet they seek Me day by day and delight to know My ways, as a nation that has done righteousness and has not forsaken the ordinance of God. They ask for decisions, they delight in the nearness of God." Isaiah 58:2

:: Its interesting, this has actually been the theme of most of my summer. From the "Rabid Pursuit of God" conference to Piper's "Desiring God," to now, I just feel hammered over and over. Why are you doing all these things? Why are you reading your bible? Why do you (not) evangelize? Why do you go to church? Why the interest in the prophetic? Why? Are you serving Christ out of obligation or love? WHY. Why do you worship Him? Out of natural overflow of your passion for Him? "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (I Corinthians 13:13) Ah, I have missed the point indeed. The secret to an enduring prayer life and a sustained time with God is enjoyment. *sigh* I think it is tougher to know the truth and not know what to do with it than it is to be ignorant of the truth altogether.

Saturday, September 14, 2002

This is absolutely nuts.

Elijah Revolution: Nazarites
Others May, You Cannot

If God has called you to be really like Jesus He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility, and put upon you such demands of obedience, that you will not be able to follow other people, or measure yourself by other Christians, and in many ways He will seem to let other people do things which He will not let you do.

Other Christians and ministers who seem very religious and useful, may push themselves, pull wires, and work schemes to carry out their plans, but you cannot do it, and if you attempt it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make you sorely penitent.

Others may boast of themselves, of their work, of their successes, of their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing, and if you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.

Others may be allowed to succeed in making money, or may have a legacy left to them, but it is likely God will keep you poor, because He wants you to have something far better than gold, namely, a helpless dependence upon Him, that He may have the privilege of supplying your needs day by day out of an unseen treasury.

The Lord may let others be honored and put forward, and keep you hidden in obscurity, because He wants to produce some choice fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade. He may let others be great, but keep you small. He may let others do a work for Him and get the credit for it, but He will make you work and toil on without knowing how much you are doing; and then to make your work still more precious He may let others get credit for the work which you have done, and thus make your reward ten times greater when Jesus comes.

The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you, with a jealous love, and will rebuke you for little words and feelings or for wasting your time, which other Christians never feel distressed over. SO make up your mind that God is an Infinitely Sovereign Being, and has a right to do as He pleases with His own. He may not explain to you a thousand things which puzzle your reason in His dealings with you, but if you absolutely sell yourself to be His love slave, He will wrap you up in Jealous Love, and bestow upon you many blessings which come only to those who are in the inner circle.

Settle it forever, that you are to DEAL DIRECTLY WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT, and that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue, or chaining your hand, or closing your eyes, in ways that He does not seem to use with others. Now, when you are so possessed with the living God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this PECULIAR, PERSONAL, PRIVATE, JEALOUS GUARDIANSHIP AND MANAGEMENT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT OVER YOUR LIFE, then you will have found the vestibule of Heaven.

WHEN YOU ARE forgotten, neglected, or purposefully set at naught, and you smile inwardly, glorying in the insult or the oversight, because thereby you are counted worthy to suffer with Christ, THAT IS VICTORY.

WHEN YOUR GOOD is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, when your taste is offended, when your advise is disregarded, when your opinions are ridiculed, and you take it all in patient, loving silence, THAT IS VICTORY.

WHEN YOU ARE content with any food, raiment, climate, society, solitude, or any interruption by the will of God, THAT IS VICTORY.

LORD JESUS, make Thyself to me
A Living Bright Reality;
More present to faith's vision keen
Than any earthly object seen;
More dear, more intimately nigh:
Than even the dearest earthly tie.
"Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here, everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next? What happens next?"
- Dare You To Move, Switchfoot

Welcome to the first post. That's it. The earth can shake now. :)